I left Cleveland on time, Wednesday September 11 at 1:35. Around 16 hours later I was on my way to my home for the next year in the French countryside of Gers with a lovely Dutch lady and three children in tow. And here I am now, only four days into my adventure and I have never felt more at ease, more comfortable, more myself.
I knew upfront that this would not be your ordinary au pair arrangement for numerous reasons... A Dutch and not French family, the father's irregular schedule, the five children, the remote location etc... but what I didn't know was that somehow, one quarter of the way around the world I would find myself wo welcomed, accepted and appreciated. That the mother and father and I would talk for hours on end about topics any typical american, or even some Europeans would deem taboo. (The Dutch are known for their non-judgemental nature.)
I never thought that I could be as completely honest with people that I am still getting to know with absolutely no fear of being judged, dejected or risk losing my job. It's so refreshing. It's more than that though, but I just don't have the words to accurately describe how truly happy I am for the first time in my life.
It's a difficult realization, and I'm struggling a little bit to make sense of my familial relations back home from this new position. Of course I love my family dearly. But I guess I have just become so accustomed to negative comments and what I believe to be an extremely unhealthy grip on the past that pervades seemingly the most minute of situations that simple things like hearing that I am a fast learner, or that a dish that I made tasted good just mean the world to me. Above all this family seems to really appreciate me- and not the "me" that I think people in my family or the whole of America want to see, but the me that has for one reason or another repelled practically everyone I have ever met.
And here I thought I was going crazy all this time.
According to the mom and dad I am really more European than American, and aside from that being what I consider to be one of the highest compliments I have yet received... Things are finally beginning to make sense.
Anyway, here are my new digs. More pictures to come as they become available.
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